Agonizing Reincarnation
And suddenly, I woke up, I guess, after million years, even though I wanted to, I was not able to open my eyes. It felt like they were sewed shut, I felt pain when I tried opening them but eventually, I did, it felt like molten lava struck my eyes. I was not able to see anything around, just bright, piercing light. It was hot, it was painful, I wanted to close my eyes but at the same time was anxious to know, where the hell I was. Strange beeps in my ears, coming from nowhere
Very slowly, the pain started going away, and my surroundings started getting clearer. I was sitting on the pile of red sand, actually, half-buried. Never-ending desert all around me. Only one Joshua tree in the middle and a raven staring at my eyes, it seemed hungry. I tried to look away, but I don’t know why, I felt a bit reluctant, I felt I knew it somehow, or we had the same deranged fate
I felt very tired and weak but tried standing up. My bones screamed like hell, my back crackled but I managed to stand straight. I looked around me, endless desert, a Joshua tree, and my hungry friend
Suddenly, I felt a strange kind of emptiness in my stomach, and my throat was like a burning fire
Maybe I haven’t eaten or drank anything for years
I looked towards the south, I felt that I may find something there, well it was just a wild guess, but what else I could do.
I took the first step and my body ached like a fired bullet shell. The raven flapped its wings, a bit of disappointment in its eyes.
I started walking, slowly towards the south, I looked at my shoes, all dusty, and as I walked, dust was falling around from my clothes and shoes
I walked and walked, a rattling sound struck my ears, but just moved away, a rattlesnake, maybe it was not expecting any other presence. I was powerless, drained, and broken, I was nowhere, I remembered nothing, nothing from the past, why I was there, where I had to go, what was the purpose of me? But still, the will to live was a bit strange
But I was battling with the sun, so I had to give up, and fell face down on the sand
I don’t know how long I stayed that way until I felt sand in my mouth and a bit cold. I could hear the same freaking beeps in my ears but was not sure what was it. It was dark all around, seemed like the raven took over everything
I was starving, I could’ve eaten anything at that time, my throat was killing me, I stood up again while my body ached as if I was struck by lightning
I felt something in my pocket, I took it out, it was white paper soaked in water and sand all over, but I could see what was on it
it was a drawing, a sketch made by, I guess, a small child. In the sketch, there was a woman, a man, and a small boy standing beside them
And at the bottom of the paper in childish writing, there was a sentence that struck me, Me, My Mom, and My Dad!
I was stunned, am I the dad? do I have a son? do I have a family? why don’t I remember anything? What I am doing here? what is this place? My mind started collapsing, I could not remember anything, but somehow something inside me kept me moving
Suddenly I felt a throbbing pain in my chest, an unsettling pain, I was going breathless, I tore open my shirt, maybe it would help me breathe, but no!
I fell down to the ground again, from far, I could hear the beeps again, a sad but bone-chilling voice of a woman crying, I tried to look around but that throbbing pain
Then suddenly, everything calmed down, my pain, the crying woman, the beeps…
I was still on the ground, I turned around with my face towards the sky, what an emptiness, never have I seen such desolation. I could see the black sky above me, but no stars, moon, or clouds, not even a hint. Was, it a black sky or the eternal dark abyss, upside down? was I in it or it was in me?
As I was aching in pain and staring out at the abyss, thousands of nasty insects started crawling on my body, I thought of jumping and throwing them off me, then I thought that maybe they were as devastated and desperate as me. Maybe my purpose was to satisfy their hunger and greed.
At least I had a purpose now, I felt a bit satisfied. But……. the Raven…It needed me too
I just closed my eyes, just tried to be numb from everything around me, and I succeeded, I felt like falling into my inner depths
On my way down, I heard some cries, and some laughter, I saw a few images, of faceless people trying to drag me in or push me out
They were talking to me in a mumbling voice, but I was not able to understand anything
And the beeps got louder, somebody or something pushing my chest down, I was losing my breath. Who was that? why he or she was trying to kill me? or agonize me
Like a flash of light, I woke up, my eyes now open, I could still hear the beeps but they were a bit calm. A man with a mask was bent over me, I could not see anything clearly but faded images, and then the man with the mask left the room
There I saw a young boy with a red shirt smiling at me and a woman standing behind him, she was also smiling but with tears in her eyes. Now I could see a bit clearer
It was a bit painful that I was not able to remember those people, maybe that was because of the agonizing experience I had. But, it felt like home
I looked out the window, and on a tree nearby, I saw the same deranged RAVEN looking at me, waiting for me on the other side of the abyss
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